my day-to-day thoughts

I had a great extended weekend spending time with others.  It almost felt like I was back in college.  It’s been over a year but I’ve forgotten what it was like to wake up with friends and fall asleep with friends.  By the end of the trip, I had gotten so used to everyone, that it felt normal to walk around together and to just chat, which by the way was so refreshing because there was no awkward introduction needed again.  No need to be caught up to speed on how to approach one another.  Just simply pick up where we all left off. 

But then, this is where the struggle comes in.  I’m a married woman.  I can’t seem to find the balance between friends and family.  For a SPLIT second (or a little more) I wanted to prolong having a baby so that I can enjoy this freedom of doing whatever I wanted, whenever.  Then, I think, ‘JINA!!! what about your husband??’  We’re “one” now so really I can’t do anything without him.  But even since dating in college, I’ve been so independent…doing whatever I wanted.  I was so lucky to have such a supportive guy because if it weren’t for his encouragement to hang onto friends, I probably would have suffocated.  But dating is completely different from marriage.  If someone is dating, and they wanted to do something on their own but couldn’t, it was frowned upon.  “Oh, that guy is so restrictive and won’t even let her do her own thing…”  If someone is married, and they wanted to do their own thing but couldn’t, it was their problem.  “Oh, that’s weird.  Why aren’t they doing x together?”

I’m babbling here…by the way.

And, to be clear, I don’t have problems in my marriage.  I just happen to be stuck in an awkward position where none of my friends are really dating or even thinking about marriage.  I want to have my fun (which I am…not gonna lie) but I also am so interested and so completely excited about married life.  For example, we’re home shopping right now and it feels amazing to imagine how we’re going to set each room up, or what new additions we’re going to add to our house.  And any friend will know how domesticated I am and how I love cooking/looking up new recipes on food blogs.

But one thing I know for sure, is that I am absolutely comforted in knowing that nothing changes in a solid friendship.  Married or not, picking up where we left off is a great feeling.  I just wonder where we’ll all be 10 years from now…And I hope that my friends are able to find an understanding and supportive partner, like hubs, that is not just ok, but encouraging weekend getaways or reunions with friends.